I’m not a Car Guy.
Don’t get me wrong. I love cars; I’ve got my favorites; I’ve got my first-car memories. And for the record, that would be my 1972 Cougar XR 7, all black w/black and green tartan-patterned bucket seats and the eight-track player bolted underneath the glove compartment blasting the Stones’ Midnight Rambler up and down Telegraph. And yes, Telegraphing was as big as Woodwarding back in the day.
But, I digress.
Car Guys are the ones who can ID a ’53 Chevrolet BelAir from a two-second glimpse of the valve stem on the tire; who will then go on to tell you (whether you’re listening or not) all about the sweeping lines of the side panels, and how that car begat the next BelAir, which of course they totally ruined because they changed the chomogater on the whoopdeboop and added chrome hoopyschmoopys. (I must say, though, I think that’s what they did to the Cougar after 1974 when they ruined it, effectively turning the equivalent of Haagen Dazs Rum Raisin into Sealtest Vanilla).
They’re the guys who can ID a ‘65 Mustang before it turns the corner just by the sound of its engine; who then snort, flex, and give whoever’s around that told ya’ so nod just as the car comes into view; who then take off running to meet the car much the same as I did as a seven-year-old whenever I first heard the Mr. Softie Ice Cream truck’s music in my neighborhood, then saw it turn the corner and come down my street.
Car Guys transcend all socio-economic boundaries. Car Guys are guys – both executives and line workers – who work at “Ford’s” and proudly (albeit anonymously) drive their ’69 Firebird at the Cruise. They’re entrepreneurs who run multi-million dollar corporations – and have grease permanently lodged underneath their fingernails from restoring their ’55 Thunderbird.
In the case of a good friend of mine, he’s a banker in Birmingham whom I’ve known since high school who swoons at the sight of a ’65 Bonneville; who will call me during the week leading up to Dream Cruise as he’s looking out his office window, nose pressed against the glass while foaming at the mouth, and describe in vivid detail the classic cars driving past.
“Oh, man, Tom, there’s a ’64 Buick Wildcat convertible driving past me right…right NOW! Oh my God, it’s cream white with tuck-n-roll cherry red interior. Oh…that’s so-o-o cool! I can’t wait for this weekend – AAAARGH!!!”
He’s a banker.
I can’t hold a candle next to these guys. Their passion, their knowledge, their zeal for the automobile. They’re who this Dream Cruise is for; they’re center stage, both on and off the street. They take off their butcher/baker/candlestick maker day-job uniforms at 5pm on Friday; put on their Ted’s Drive-In t-shirts and wraparound shades and hit the streets. They gather in the parking areas off Woodward, with their vehicles perfectly staged for the rest of us to gawk at. And gawk we do.
In the New York Times’ recent rather positive wrap-up of their Dream Cruise coverage, writer Paul Stenquist hopes that “we’ll see G.M. and the other automakers pushing future, greener products at next year’s Dream Cruise, alongside their Camaros, Challengers and Mustangs. Let’s make the Cruise as much about the future as the past.”
Please, God – no. That’s what NAIAS, and Paris, and Frankfurt and Geneva are for. That what dealer showrooms (remember them?) and Ride ‘n’ Drives are for. And that’s fine – that’s needed.
But not at The Cruise. This event is supposed to focus on the past – it celebrates the glory days of spirited automobile design and manufacturing. That’s a good thing. It’s Car Guy’s dream to revel in the muscle, the mechanics, and the moxie that went into the creation of these vintage vehicles. To be officially accepted at The Cruise, you gotta pass the Car Guy sniff test. Let’s keep it that way.
If, after seven to ten years of HEV green car production, some of those vehicles can pass that sniff test, then by all means bring ‘em on down to Woodward. (Do I smell a Tesla?) But spare me the commercialized “(name of OEM here) Cavalcade of Green Cars” event as part of next year’s Dream Cruise.
Tony Michaels, are you listening?